Loss: Acceptance: New Beginnings

I know I've been neglecting this blog but life has been very hectic and I'm still not sure how to put that out there for the world to see.

On July 28th, my puppy, Smasher passed away. He wasn't really a puppy, at 4 years old, but he certainly wasn't ready for the fate that awaited him. My brother, who was here visiting, woke me around 3:30am to say something was wrong with Smash's breathing.

After calling the animal hospital we got his 102lb. self in the van and raced off in the dead of night......he died on the way.

The vet worked on him for about 30 minutes and then called it and at 4:38am told me my dog had died of what was most likely bloat. I had no idea what that was but apparently, it's very common.

After I collected myself, filled out some papers, paid and left the vet, I somehow made it home though I don't remember the ride. I climbed into bed and all the kids joined me and I told them what had happened. We all cried together for a good, long, time. To be honest I just couldn't believe how much I was going to miss him.

It took me a day or two to really gather myself because I really felt as if I had just lost my best friend. I just kept thinking how great he was and how irreplaceable in my family he had become. He was a german shepherd-dobie mix and weighed 102 lbs. but he was a big, sweet baby. He would bark like crazy to scare people and protect us but wouldn't hurt a soul.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband was working nights and I would go and sit on the living room floor in the dark with him. He would lay his head on my belly as if he knew she was in here and just peer up at me, like he was telling me I was safe; I wasn't alone.

When she came, he was her personal protector. He would bark like crazy and come running if she tried to climb on the counter or went on the front porch or anything he thought she wasn't supposed to be doing. She would lay on him and watch tv and he would just lay there no matter what. Whenever anyone would cry, he would come running and sit there with his head in your lap, raising his eyebrows as if to say, "it's ok, I'm here now". I always felt safe alone because he was always there watching out for us.

Christmas morning last year.

After a few weeks had passed I noticed that our house felt so empty and that my family was always going to be a dog family. I began looking on Petfinder.com and craigslist and emailed tons to my family, but I wasn't truly ready. So in the beginning of September my family and I were out running errands and they suggested that we stop at the shelter, just to look. I wasn't feeling terribly well so I wasn't really up to it but gave in anyway. Once there we looked at some pups and there was a litter of very young puppies who had just arrived. The kids were at the fence petting them all except 1, who was sitting all alone, by herself, waiting patiently. She was the smallest one of all, the runt as they call them. Now it is my experience (mostly proof from my family!) that the runts are the toughest. I walked up to the fence and she walked straight up to me and put her paw to my hand through the fence. In that moment, it was decided. My DH looked at me and said "well, she just picked you" and we filled out the adoption forms. Four days later she was spayed and we brought my new baby home!

Along with a kitten (!) that my oldest refused to leave without! They had both just come into the shelter and decided that our family was to be theres.

I will never forget my Smasher and all the trials we faced together.

However, I know that my family is able to love and give a home to someone special (or two someones as in this case!). If anyone reading this has lost a pet they loved, I send you my sympathies because I know it hurts something awful. But I also know that it slows and dims over time and the happier moments begin to shine through. So if you can, when you're ready, please go to a shelter and take home a new friend. I promise you, they'll let you know how appreciative they are and who doesn't love having someone to come home to? :-)